When we first started out I had a really big issue and a lot of my loved ones had a really big issue with the fact that I was totally in pain up there and there was a time when I tried to hurt myself off stage, but I got over that. Like, you should never want to hurt yourself. You should love yourself. Sometimes you have to kind of die inside in order to rise from your own ashes and believe in yourself and love yourself and become a new person and I think that that is going to be a lot of what the next record is about, not to plug it or anything. Like, it’s going to talk about dying and coming back to become what you totally want to become. We are all becoming what we want to become.
When I was browsing through the mibba profile pages, I found this quote. I, of coarse, read it. And what happen after I read it? I cried.
“you should never want to hurt yourself. You should love yourself.”
That was the first sentence that really … well, touchy? I thought a day before I read the quote, I want to become a bulimic. I don’t know, my friends are telling me that I’m fat, and such. And now, I know, that I really am fat, odd, and weird.
When I was on Seven grade, I wore my skirt up to my stomach and the skirt is really long, it up to my feet. While everyone wore their skirt on their hips, and the skirt is not really long. It’s only 5 centimeters below their knee.
good friend friend was told me that the way I wear the skirt is really weird, but I shrugged it off, because I’m comfortable that way. But no … they making fun of me, just because of that. I don’t have many friends too. Like no one want to become near me.
I’m not a nerd. Even though I wear glasses -3, doesn’t mean I’m really smart. I do, maybe smart on math, but not that really smart.
I do, want to become a bulimic. But the sentence change it. I don’t want to do it now. It means that I’m giving up on live. But I promised my self that I will never giving up my live.
“Sometimes you have to kind of die inside in order to rise from your own ashes and believe in yourself and love yourself and become a new person”
You guys have dreams, right? So do I. I want to become a singer, I want to become an artist. But no one seems to comment me about it. I didn’t mean, you must to. I mean, it’s like, I ignored by people. My stories doesn’t get much attention, my drawing never get criticisms or comments. It show me, that mean, I don’t have any talents. Four people that told me I did a great job, was Miss Tattie (My math teacher), Miss Intan (Like, when the original teacher didn’t come, she change the place), My mom, and my dad. Just only four! And it makes me smile! I still remember the day I told Miss Tattie that I finished Level J on kumon mathematics. I really happy, so I told her. And she said good job, while smiling at me and giving me two thumbs up. I’m smiling like a fool the rest of the day. No one ever tell me like that before.
When my stories doesn’t get many attention, it is like killing me inside. When no one appreciate my work, it is like killing me inside. When I read that sentence, I smiled a little. I want to become a new person. The person that I always dream it…
“We are all becoming what we want to become.”
Thanks to the sentence, I believe in me. I will become what I want to be. I will become the person who is knows by people. Who will get known by people. I don’t care I didn’t get comments on this blog or whatever. I just want someone to appreciate my work. I just want people knowing me. I just want people doesn’t ignore me. I want people know that I’m here.
Come on, I am a pussy. But the best part it:
My heart just got touched by Gerard Way, my hero.